High and Dry

The week is crawling by slowly. This gave me some time to wonder and ponder on a lot of things that is going on in my life. I began to realize that I am feeling dry in terms of my spiritual walk.

Mad Cat was a coordinator to a cell group which was agreed by all to make a commitment to meet on every Saturday evening unless of course if there were things that we need to attend to, then perhaps we can skip the cell meet.

What started out with full of hope has now turned out to be a disappointment for me, Mad Cat and perhaps some of the cell members. We had this cell before Mad Cat retired as the ‘President’ and the cell was left ‘hanging’ for awhile. When we realized that we could fit no better in any other cell, all cell members decided to ‘stick’ to the same cell and have it fully functional once again and have Mad Cat to take over the lead for a year. We had prior meetings to discuss on the ‘failed’ cell and all agreed to commit and to do better this time round.

I was excited at first. I took upon myself a wifely duty and agreed to support Mad Cat in his ministry. Week after week, Mad Cat and I took the initiative to plan for the meeting and send out emails reminding everyone of the meeting. Every Saturday evening, Mad Cat and I will set aside time and ensure no appointments are made for Saturday evenings. It started out well and I thought to myself “Perhaps this time round, we will grow as a group” But sadly, Mad Cat and I were so disappointed that we have decided that enough is enough. We were both running dry and felt that we could ‘give’ no more.

The very people who had said yes to stick on to the group, seems to have other priorities that the cell. Some have gone to the extend of not informing anyone of their so-called-absence. Sometimes Mad Cat and I waited until Saturday evening to know that no one is showing up. Mind you, I was the one who said I am not sure that the cell group should continue to ‘stick’ together or ‘disband’ it. But yet week after week I am there for the cell.

With two members leaving us permanently (soon) (I am thankful that they have made the cell a priority but with them away, the cell is like a sand castle being blown away by the wind), it make sense to Mad Cat and I that we both need to grow and the disappointment has left us both dry. I did not realized that I could be so disappointed that I cried my heart out last Saturday when a member gave such an excuse for not coming to cell, and that excuse was one which I cannot accept. Each week I looked forward for the cell fellowship but it became so clear that Mad Cat and I have no support or what so ever.

I felt like screaming to some of those that we did not just came up with the cell and asked them to join us but this cell was re-formed because that was what everyone wanted. And, it seems to them, the cell is never a priority but a matter of convenience.

Yet I am thankful to those who have set the cell a priority but I guess its time for Mad Cat and I to move on.