What Price, Motherhood?

This came to me through an email...

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I’ve given up many things to be a mother.

My outward appearance has certainly changed. No more make-up, no more flat tummy. I've stretch marks to show, which also means some clothes just can’t be worn anymore. Not to worry as breastfeeding has also cancelled out the possibility of fitting into most of my old clothes.

I’ve given up a career outside the home. I chose to be a full time mother, meaning I’ve said goodbye to power lunches, flashy clothes and dinner parties. I’ve opened myself to criticism and doubt, and faced more than one sarcastic comment and critical glance with sheer willpower to come away still friends.

I’ve given up my independence and my time. I may not be dependent on my baby, but she is on me and that has certainly curtailed more than a few of my favourite activities down to a minimum or barely at all. I no longer have the luxury of catching a movie at any given time, or going window-shopping for hours at end or even catching up with a friend for a much needed chat over delicious coffee.

I’ve given up my peace of mind and the possibility of ever having my heart in one whole piece again. Along with baby comes the gift or curse of a sixth sense for danger. Anything remotely posing as a threat to my baby is a cause for deep concern and I can’t seem to rest completely if she’s not in sight or in my arms. After nine months of safety in my womb, the whole world is a danger zone I have to let my baby explore, how can my heart ever know the peace of abandon again?

Yes, I’ve given up sleep, and a backache-free existence. I’ve got muscles in my arms from baby lifting and flab on my hips from pregnancy.

I’ve given up my financial independence and the ability to purchase that nice piece of furnishing or clothing without a second thought.

All in all, any rational human being would consider me strange for the choices I’ve made, the cost seems high indeed.

But what have I gained?

A sense of purpose for one.

I look around at other young people my age who are in the rat race, striving to be somebody in the big world; still wondering what he or she is achieving and where they will be in 10 years' time. I hear stories from my friends who are tired and drained out from hours of work with no clear purpose to it all.

Looking at them, I realise that after a while, a paycheck just isn’t enough motivation for the human spirit. I look back at myself and am amazed at my contentment. I know I am needed. When my 11 month old baby girl sits with her arms upward, tears forming at the corners of her eyes, desperately seeking my comforting arms to ease her anxiousness, I realise that no other moment in my life have I felt such belonging as when she hugs me tight.

A true understanding of the meaning of simplicity. With a baby, you don’t need make-up and ‘masks’. You can be who you are and give free reign to the simplicity of everyday living. The joys of an unrushed breakfast, the floating of a cloud and the chatter of birds have never been as clear and exciting as when you are allowed to experience it all through the senses of a child who has never experienced it all before.

Suddenly, even brushing your teeth is a big event and a bath can be the highlight of the morning! I’ve cut down on my wardrobe, my furniture and my need for every nice thing I see. My baby has taught me the value of quality, not quantity and to make the most of what I have each and everyday. Without the need for makeup, high fashion and the demands of being constantly informed of the latest trends and trivia, I’ve learnt to be loved for me alone, just as I am. Simplicity, I have learnt, is the key to sincerity.

Having a baby totally dependant on me day and night has given me an insight to myself, a window I had struggled to find before. Never has it been so important for me to search out my heart and weed out all its impurities and shadows. With my little one’s great demand on me physically, emotionally and mentally, I have discovered strengths I never knew I had. Out of fear that my daughter will be a helpless victim, I have valiantly fought bad habits that have lasted these past 25 years. It’s almost a year since she was born, a year of spending each and every day at home with her - and at the end of it all, I can honestly say that I am glad to be rid of so much shallowness in my life.

Yes, I have given up much in my life to be a mother. Yet as I ponder on what I have lost and what I have gained, I have no regrets. In a world searching for a meaningful existence, I have found mine.

by Celya Tay